Cooking with Weapons: Having Fun Dealing with Sceptics

The most common question I get asked at conventions is what’s the point of buying a sword?

I secretly love it when a sceptic asks me this. Usually it’s the friend or the partner of the enthusiast who wants to buy something from me.

I get asked this question so often, it has inspired me to create a series of not-so-serious YouTube videos about practical uses for weaponry.

“Well,” I usually say with my best impression of a hoity-toity sales guy, “Let me tell you…

“Not only are they excellent display pieces but they are way more practical than artwork. Will pieces of art shield you from a zombie bite? No! Will pieces of art scare away Viking raiders? No! Why am I worried about zombies and Viking raiders? That’s a silly question.

“You owe it to yourself to be prepared for an inevitable zombie apocalypse or when alien overlords try to take over the earth.

“Your partner just wants to make sure you’re safe. In fact, you should be thanking your partner for wanting a sword! Many scientific papers prove there are many health benefits to owning a sword. Which papers? That’s another silly question.

“For the low-low price of your soul, you can—Wait, what? I didn’t say soul. You misheard me.

“Swords are also excellent door stops, sandwich cutters, robber repellants, distance-keepers for the claustrophobic, tree trimmers, farmer dibblers, hair cutters, makeshift scarecrows, fly swatters, friend repellants when you want to be left alone, beard trimmers, manual lawn mowers, alternative home redecorators, poor-man’s sledgehammers, crazy-man’s crutches and walking canes, ice picks, paper weights, and fruit cutters…

“Don’t just take my word for it! I use them myself!”

^ You should all be totally using all these reasons to justify buying swords, by the way. If anyone comes up with anymore, please post suggestions in the comments page on Facebook. I would love to add to this list.

In case you’re wondering, the picture above is from when I made fruit salad with Cloud’s Buster Sword from Final Fantasy VII. I’m considering doing more awkward/dorky testing videos when new stock arrives. The sword was so heavy, my arm felt like it broke off afterwards. And by heavy I mean it was very practical and by broke off I mean it was wonderful. =)

I’ll update the blog with a link to my new YouTube channel when it’s done (UPDATE: You can view the video here on our YouTube channel). Also, I’ll post links on the Fire and Steel Facebook page when it’s up.

I like having fun with people at conventions. It really passes the time easily. As I joke with the customers and sceptics, those are the moments I enjoy the most. I get to develop a feel for dealing with different types of people, even people who aren’t going to buy anything.

There will always be sceptics who don’t understand why you’re doing what you’re doing and I’ve learned to deal with it by having a sense of humour. The important thing is for you to understand why you do what you do and have fun while doing it.

I realized over the years, I’ve been missing moments of real interactions when I’ve gone about my daily life. So I do what I do because I wanted interactions with people to amount to more than, “Okay that item is $80. Thank you, have a nice day.”

I realized I’m not alone and a lot of people miss that too.

For this reason, I actually explain to friends and family that sometimes I feel I sell conversations more than anything else.

PS. For those of you who don’t know, I’m writing from Montreal right now from a gaming convention called LAN ETS 2017, the largest LAN Party in the east coast of North America. Come by to say hello if you’re in the downtown area!

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